|
Hot
Puss #805
Design: Customized transmorgrified plastic kiddie shopping cart
Steering: Riding Mower Brakes:
Mountain bike V-Brakes Suspension:
Flex frame Front
End: 3inch wide Go-Kart racing slicks Rear End: Cambered 20inch BMX wheels with pool tire slicks
Acceleration: 8/10 Top Speed: 8/10 Braking: 6/10 Cornering: 7/10 Toughness:
9/10 Driver Protection: 9/10  
Driver: "Jousting" Jay
Height: 5'9 Weight: 210lbs Road Rage: 7/10 Symptoms: Depression, revenge complex, aggressive
outburst, vandalism, very confrontational Triggers: Retard jokes, women Treatment: Solitary confinment, electrosis Effective Medication: Norco, Sailor
Jerry Rum "Jousting"
Jay for several years found moderate success as a professional wrestler and stuntman on low budget films until one day he
tore his ACL while doing a stunt during a jousting show at a large renaissance festival. Jay was courting an actress who played Queen Elizabeth at the renaissance festival
during the time of his injury; which she added insult to injury, she tricked him into an embarrassing tar & feathering
incident which broke Jays mental stability.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- D RedKnight Design:
Shifter Kart
Steering: Stock Brakes: Dual Hydraulic Disc Suspension:
Flex frame Front End: Shifter Kart Racing Slicks Rear
End: Shifter Kart Racing Slicks on a split rear axle Acceleration:
7/10 Top Speed: 8/10 Braking: 10/10 Cornering:
9/10 Toughness: 11/10
Driver Protection: 9/10 Driver: Steve Height: 5'10 Weight:
195lbs Road Rage: 10/10 Symptoms: Depression, rage, violent mood
swings Triggers: Rap music, Police, Republicans Treatment: Intensive counseling, sexual intercourse, Tuna Canyon Effective Medication:
Jager
For the better part of the 80's, Steve was a familiar face on the Sunset Strip. His band played such legendary
venues as The Whiskey, The Rainbow, and many others.
Steve and his bandmates were on top of the music scene, until grunge
music came along and put a screeching halt on his hopes and dreams of getting a record deal and making it to the big time.
Steve refused to let go of his hair metal heritage, but once the 'rock-rap' trend hit
the charts, Steve had a mental breakdown.
All he now knows is soapbox racing. The faster he drives, the louder
his guitar riffs blast in his head.
|  | | | |
 The Titanium
Turbo Gimp
Frame: Titanium tube space frame
Suspension: None - rigid aluminum rear subframe,
steel front forks
Brakes: Barely adequate drums
Wheels: Spoke, bicycle type. Acceleration: 10/10 Top Speed:
8/10 Braking: 4/10 Cornering:
5/10 Toughness: 9/10 Driver
Protection: 4/10 Driver: "Dirty" Dave Height:
5'11 Weight: 185lbs Road
Rage: 7/10 Symptoms: Chronic Masterbation Triggers:
Ceramic Bearings, 7% grades on public streets, Speed Channel, RedTube Treatment: Oxygen Channel, Food Network Effective Medication: Unknown;
Lost Cause One of the most unique cases to
ever come through V.U.L.G.R.'s care facility is "Dirty Dave". The first documented case of soapboxiphilia,
Dave becomes sexually aroused while racing down the Southern California hills. Although in a long term relationship
with the Titanium Turbo Gimp, he has been known to dally with many soapbox mistresses, including Hot Puss, the Blow'N'Go Special,
and recently the One-Week Wonder, which he drove to a victory in the S.F.V.I.S.B.F.
Things to watch for:
Make
sure if you shake hands with Dirty Dave after a race that he's still wearing his gloves
- you don't know where his hands may have been recently.
Keep your soapbox car in a publically-visible place before and after races to prevent
foreign body fluids from being deposited in the cockpit.
Keep a camera
handy - there might be some real money paid online if anybody is able to document Dave's amorous soapbox antics on video -
people are sick.
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------  The Green Weenie Design: 80's Promo Indy kart
Steering: 3/8 hiems / motorcycle stabilizer Brakes: Rear Drums Suspension:
Flex frame Front End: 6x6 kart slicks Rear End: Same Acceleration: 9/10 Top Speed: 10/10 Braking: 8/10 Cornering: 8/10 Toughness: 8/10 Driver Protection: 6/10 Driver: Randy Height:
5'6 Weight: 180lbs Road Rage: 7/10 Symptoms: Self Centerness, Inflated Ego, Smart Ass, Crowned Ass-clown,
Message board addiction Triggers: Stupid People, Threatening
statements, People that can't take a Joke Treatment:
AA, Porn Effective Medication: None Things
to watch for: Constant bullshitting, running into cars and claiming his brakes failed, making gay
references at inappropriate times Randy
moved to Los angeles from San Diego in 1987, soon after divorced his first wife. He remarried and fathered two
children. Then divorced again in 1999. Randy's inability to commit to relationships have cost him his two marriages,
he has an emotional void that seems to be haunt him and cause him to lash out to people on internet message boards. Although
Randy has been into soapbox racing since November of 2008, hes has won the VULGR, SCIRS an SFVISBF
trophies in the first three races... Since his wins, Randy has began to show signs of instability and nervousness. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Satan's Chariot
Frame:
Custom
Suspension: None
Brakes: BMX
Wheels: Spoke, bicycle type. Acceleration: 8/10 Top Speed: 8/10 Braking: 7/10 Cornering: 7/10 Toughness: 7/10 Driver Protection: 7/10 Driver: Evil Ed Height:
5'9 Weight: 160lbs Road
Rage: 10/10 Symptoms: Chronic Masterbation, Being a diaper baby Triggers: Message board posts from new and somewhat new people Treatment: Internet porn, massage parlours, Marlboro reds, listening to
Salt N' Pepa Effective Medication: Viagra, Ensure ----------------------------------------------------------------------------   Aaron Is A Pussy
Frame: Custom
Suspension:
None
Brakes: Mountain Bike Disc x4
Wheels: 20 inch BMX. Acceleration: 9/10 Top Speed: 9/10 Braking: 8/10 Cornering: 7/10 Toughness: 5/10 Driver Protection: 3/10 Driver: "Brake Huggin Pussy" Matt Height: 6'2.5" Weight: 185lbs Road
Rage: 7/10 Symptoms: Latent Mother detachment syndrome.
Was breast fed till 14. Triggers: Politics - (Avoid this topic at all costs) any movie
starring Adrienne Barbeau Treatment: Tuna Canyon Effective
Medication: Vaginal Yeast Cream, VICKS Vapor Rub Matt has been a soapbox racer for almost one year. During that time
he garnished the name "Brake Huggin Pussy" from the godfather-Paul. Since that time Matt has blossomed
into one of the best racers on the circuit. He has been caught on various occasions soliciting breast feedings from
the passers-by.
|
|
